Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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