He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
