I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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