How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
