i already hear my dad disowning me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
