I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
