pedialite and red bull = repair kit
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
