Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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