need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You have to summon your inner elephant
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
