Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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