Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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