Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
