"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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