you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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