yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
