I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
