it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
