I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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