K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
is it fun? or sober?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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