I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
