remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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