Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
