omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Enjoy the penises
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
