He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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