A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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