i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
