Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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