I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
