I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
