I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize