Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
