Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
