Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
