oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Randomize
