Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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