i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
