first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
