He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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