Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
