Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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