but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
