Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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