nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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