just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
