Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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