Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
