So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
