She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
