Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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