Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
