I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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