I wish my penis had an off switch
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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