I will die if light touches me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
