I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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