I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
