just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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