the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
