i permit you to call me
i just had sex bonerless
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
