Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
