This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize