From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
