I wish I could teleport
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
