You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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