ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize