Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
